Editorial 1 - The Future Freaks Me Out

Sorry for the neglect I have shown this blog.  My internet has been down and I have been unable to make new posts.  Today, however, I'd like to take a step back from the lecture and examine a few aspects from my life and today's world.

Have you ever noticed that a common theme with oldies songs are falling in love and being with the girl of their dreams?  Nowadays, you hear songs about getting drunk and hooking up with random girls.  Don't get me wrong...that's all fine and dandy but times sure have changed.  No wonder my parents don't understand by binge drinking and sexcapades.

My mom always asks me about the girls I hang out with, but to be honest, why bother her with this minor detail when I doubt I will even be talking to that girl in a few months.  Now I know what you are thinking..."You're such a player blah blah blah."  I am just being honest...it takes a lot for me to fall for a girl, let alone commit to a relationship.  

What ever happened to the days we actually asked for a girl's number?  Now we say, "Find me on facebook!"  Asking for a number is not hard.  If the girl says no, then at least you know up front she doesn't even care to even get to know you as a friend and you should stop wasting your time trying to 'earn it.'  But hey, most girls won't deny you as a facebook friend to add to her collection of hundreds of fans.

Most likely, if your like me, it's a defense mechanism.  In your drunken, fogged up, beer goggles, you really don't know what the girl looks like.  You search for her hoping her small picture thumbnail has a decent sized picture of her face.  Regardless, you add her to get access to the rest of her pictures.  Once she confirms you, then you go straight to her albums.  Here you either come up, or realize you must have been clinically blind the night before.  If she isn't cracking, then she is one click away out of your life (dodged that bullet) and with no number, she can't bother you either.

p.s. technology for sure can increase your abilities...but don't use it to hide your weaknesses.

II. Confidence

There is a serious condition that affects hundreds of thousands of young men around the world.  This condition temporarily paralyzes you, especially your legs and in some circumstances, affects your speech with temporary muteness or verbal dyslexia.  Still wondering what this condition is?  Well it's call cold feet.  Yes, we have all gotten it at one point in our lives.  The one working cure for this condition is having confidence in yourself.  People are not born with confidence...it is a learned ability.  Those who lack it, simply have not worked at it.  How do you develop confidence you ask?  Below are simple steps to work on every day. 

1.  Give yourself value.  Have a positive attitude and self-esteem.  Before anyone else can see your value, you must first give it to yourself and believe it.  We treat ourselves very poorly.  Think about it...when we make a small mistake don't we cuss and beat ourselves up as if we were our own worst enemy?  At the end of each day, list the accomplishments you have done, regardless of how big or small.  Try helping someone else at least once a day.  Making someone else's life happier or better will give meaning to your life.  (Sorry to get all philosophical here but it is a necessary component to real confidence).

2.  Highlight favorable attributes.  This can be physical such as a smile or intangible such as your humor.  It is your job to evaluate what is good about you and then to make sure others either see or know about them.  What if you don't have any favorable attributes?  If you asked this question, go back to step 1 and re-read it.  If you have done something for someone else, for example, you held the door open for a stranger, doesn't that show your kindness and compassion for others?  Isn't compassion and helping others a favorable trait?  You might want to volunteer and get some rewarding experiences and now you have some honorable stories to share with a lady.  Would you rather break the ice talking about how wasted you got the previous night or how you're changing the lives of youth in your neighborhood?  You can also develop favorable physical attributes by losing some weight or working out.  Remember, we are not all gifted in our looks or personality....but there are plenty of things that can be worked on.

3.  Be cultured.  Knowing a lot of things never hurt any one.  It will make you sound more intelligent in a conversation and the more you know, the more prepared you are when talking to a random stranger.  You have no idea what she's interested or her hobbies but if you know about them, then conversation will be that much easier.  (I'll talk later about how to direct the conversation).  In your free time, stay up to date with current events, tv shows girls may like, politics, and music.  This will be your verbal arsenal at our disposal.  A girl would rather talk to a guy who shares common interests right?  When you go out to eat, don't just go to the same boring restaurants or fast food joints.  Go out and try new restaurants in various cities.  This will prepare you to take a potential date to a place she has never heard about or been and hopefully that will impress her.

4.  Create a presence.  Be aware of how others perceive you.  Even if you are shy, do not physically show you are shy.  Never slouch and stand up proud with good posture.  In the next post I will address how to approach girls but for now, be aware that if you are checking out girls, there's a good chance girls are checking you at at the same time.  If you have already caught their eye, they will be more open to talk to you if you finally approach them.  Try to be the center of attention in your group...tell jokes, make people laugh, and others will see this charisma.  Remember, girls are drawn to those who have a presence.

Once you have given yourself worth, others can see this value.  Everyone has at least one favorable attribute and if you still believe you don't, everything from a sense of humor to a strong arm can be worked on.  Once you have things to talk about, you won't be afraid of not knowing what to say next because you will always be prepared.  Finally, do not physically show your shyness or intimidation.  Girls feed off your vibe.  When you have confidence, you will believe you can do anything and ultimately, you won't be afraid of rejection and failure...even if it does come your way.

p.s.

If you want change in your life, do not give up because it seems to hard.  You can't expect things out of life until you first expect great things from yourself.

I. Peacocking

The term peacocking was made popular on the VH1 show, "The Pick Up Artist."  Basically peacocking is derived from its animal counterpart, the peacock.  The male peacocks displaying the biggest and brightest feathers will attract more females.  This courting ritual is emulated by humans.  The guys with socially favorable physical attributes and style will usually attract more females.  

I am a firm believer in making the best of what you have.  Don't let those with all the money to buy nice clothes discourage you.  Here is a list of things you could do to improve your physical appearance on a budget:

1. Get a haircut - style with gel if fitting.

2.  Shave your facial hair (and unibrow if applicable).  A clean look definitely makes your face easier to approach.

3.  Hit the gym.  Losing at least ten pounds and strengthening your body never hurt anyone.  It will slim your face and raise your confidence.  Do some weight training to get some muscle definition.  Girls are shallow too...they like the feel of a firm arm.

4.  Smell good.  Shower often, especially before going out.  Use an anti-perspirant & deodorant.  Have a girl pick out your cologne.  It doesn't have to be super expensive but make sure it smells pleasant to the opposite sex and let's face it guys...what smells good to us doesn't necessarily mean it smells good to them.  Heard of pheremones?  Well if not...don't worry about it right now...but smelling bad is a huge turnoff and she won't even let you get within talking distance of her.

5.  Get contacts.  Glasses cover up half your face.  Show off your eyes especially if you have some color in them.  (However, some girls love glasses...so use discretion).

6.  Clothes can be expensive so try borrowing from your friends.  For example, if you share with 1 other person it is like doubling each other's wardrobe.  

Even though I do not completely agree with relying solely on peacocking, I know its initial element is important.  First impressions are everything.  A common misconception is that a guy can work to get a girl as if she will change her mind later down the road.  She is either attracted to you at first glance or not.  If not, stop trying because you are just wasting your time.  However, some of the best relationships spawn from friendships built over time.  Do not stop trying to become friends with a girl just because he is not attracted to you.   The point I'm making is for you to stop spitting game at her.  I will later go into this further about why friendships with many girls should be built and sustained.

Peacocking also extends to creating an image of yourself which many girls would be attracted to.  Because "every girl is different," she will be attracted to different things.  There is no one style or look that will attracted more girls than another.  You will realize that your initial look will get her attracted, but it is the words that follow that will keep her.

p.s.

 

Evaluate your intentions: is she girlfriend material or are you just looking to hook up?